Circles Within Circles Within Circles
Cosmic Light Drops
Taurus New Moon 19 May 2023
As I sit down to bring through this edition of Cosmic Light, I hear the words of the Grateful Dead playing in my head, specifically the song “Going Down The Road Feeling Bad; and wondered, what is this trying to tell me? When a song pops into my head like this seemingly from nowhere, it usually has a message within it.. Interestingly over the last couple days as this update has been downloading into my system it was an event that occurred following a series of Dead shows in 1993 just after my 18th birthday that was where I was shown we would start.. So let’s travel shall we back to that fateful day and see where the road leads us..
Just after graduating from high school in June of 1993 I flew to Southern California to visit my Mother, Brother and Sister. While I was there my sister introduced me to a boy, we were both big Deadheads and hit it off immediately. A couple days after we met he invited me to join him for a series of Dead shows at Shoreline, which is about an hour from San Francisco and about 6 hours from where my mother lived. I said yes, even though this would result in me missing my flight back to Wisconsin where a new apartment and the beginning of my post High School life was scheduled to begin. This decision proved much more consequential than simply missing a flight home however… You see, the night of the final concert with no ticket I decided to simply sleep in our friend's VW bus rather than try and Miracle my way into the show. As the Dead played in the background I drifted off to a comfortable and much needed sleep. It wasn’t until I felt something hit me, quite hard on the bridge of my nose that I awoke. From here everything happened both in slow motion and at the speed of light. I felt this shocking sensation across my nose and watched from outside myself as the thoughts, ‘they’ve put to many people in the Bus, it is collapsing’ and ‘I will be on the road soon’, flowed through; the next thing I knew, in my little cut-off shorts and flowy shirt, I was indeed skidding down the expressway. Just as my body stopped skidding I looked up and saw headlights racing towards my body, which was now situated in the middle lane of a 3-lane highway, I heard myself say “Oh God that would hurt if it hit me” and carried my form a foot or so to my right, into the “fast lane”, again there were headlights coming towards me, taller and brighter than before, As I began to crawl to the side of the road this Semi-Truck was able to stop a couple feet in front of me.. As you can imagine after this moment it was a blur of people yelling and screaming, the two other people and the dog who had been on the bed with me had also been flung from the back of the van, which had not collapsed but had been rear-ended by a drunk man who’d fallen asleep with his foot on the gas pedal. His car hit at exactly the right location to cause the back door of the van to fling open and propel us out onto the freeway. To this day I have no idea what hit me across the bridge of the nose, and though I still have some lovely road rash scars I have never noticed a mark at that location. To me this was a little knock from my guides, from the Angels who watch over me, a form of Divine intervention. It hurt to be sure but it also helped me come to an awareness of my situation which helped to save my life. In truth every millisecond of that journey across the pavement feels like it was the will of the divine playing out, if even a single portion had happened at a different moment, well likely I would not be here sharing this story with you now..
I have had many experiences in my life where even the slightest change could have completely changed the trajectory of my life. If I had not said yes to the concert, I would not have been in a car accident, I would have made my flight back to Madison, moved into the apartment I’d found downtown and who knows where that path might have led. This is a “big” example but there are so many others that each of us experience moment to moment to moment. There is a sense that this big event where I went down the road feeling “bad” has come in as we open this particular CLD to bring our focus into how over the coming weeks and months there are likely going to be some very loud and also some very subtle shifts (deaths and births) that will completely change not just the trajectory of our individual lives but also that of the collective.
There are ways that this can be witnessed in the cosmic alignments, the score for this opera. Let's explore some of them shall we; beginning with the New Moon in Taurus on the 19th of May…
One of the most prominent features of this New Moon is that, with the Sun and Moon at 28 degrees of Taurus, it is closely conjunct the stellar dimension of the Pleiades and the asteroid named for Sedna, who have been dancing together for the last couple years (Sedna has a 10,000 year orbit!). The Sun and Moon have now come to join their party. New Moons offer us a chance to plant new seeds, they are an invitation to bring our shadow and light together in a profound way, to help us transform our perspective and bring new energy to old ideas. This is also the energy of the Pleiades, this stellar dimension holds the energy of both our light and our shadow, of life and death. The seven sisters remind us that there can be nothing new if you are not willing to let the old fall away. They are also deeply connected to the elemental kingdom, they hold a playful energy reminding us that this life is a dance and that when we allow our-selves to celebrate the deaths as much as we do the births we can find a joy that may have eluded us before. In many ways this is also the energy of Sedna, her story is one of overcoming obstacles and also of letting go. I am called to share a bit of something that came through with Sedna’s energy a couple days ago. I was channeling about Karma and Soul Contracts, how we have spent a long time believing that Karma is a punishment or reward; when it is something that we have brought through to help us further our souls evolution. I was telling the story of Sedna, and relating this to my own story. To my relationship on a human level with my stepfather and on a soul level. That before I was able to forgive him for the abuses he had carried out upon my young body, I first needed to forgive my soul for agreeing to this as part of my incarnation story. This is a hard pill to swallow, especially because young Hilery never agreed to experience any of it. I needed to ask for the forgiveness of my human heart and body, to apologize, to witness, and allow her to scream at me. How could you ask me to endure that… It is a long road and we walk it together now little Hilery and I. Some days the forgiveness flows through like a beautiful rainbow, others there are dark storm clouds spitting thunder and lightning, wind ripping through feeling like it might pull me apart. In this dance I let her rage as the storm, holding her in an expansive sky-like embrace. Through this it has become much easier to forgive my step-father for his role, at this point I am even able to see the love that was present for his soul to agree to this particular contract. Again not an easy pill to swallow, the idea that abuse could be an act of love on a soul level; but this is not human love that we are talking about, it was not his human beingness that was showing love, that part was acting on the trauma’s and various karmic lessons that he called in for his unique soul growth.. It is here that the story of Sedna comes in. You see Sedna was shipped off to a remote island in the arctic sea, abandoned by her father after becoming pregnant, and left to die.. Many years later, having survived, her father returned feeling remorseful for abandoning her. He loaded her back onto a boat but as a storm began lashing them around, threw her overboard in order to save himself. She tried to climb back into the boat only to have him chop off first her fingers, then her hands, then her arms. All these parts of Sedna became the animals of the Sea and as she sank to the bottom of the watery depths she was able to see more clearly her truth. Through this she became the Queen of the Underworld and Guardian of the Gates. We could go into a whole cycle of blame and consternation about all the ways her father wronged her, yet if we take the higher view we can begin to see how it was through these experiences that she found herself and was able to become a Queen.
This also feels true about our collective journey, that we could rail against the “patriarchy” or “capitalism”, big corporations and all the ways that society is not as it “should” or “could” be. The railings would not even be wrong, over the last thousand years the human race has done a lot of damage; and like my soul had to beg the forgiveness of young Hilery, we are coming to a place where we are meant to be asking for the forgiveness of the plants, the animals, the other humans and the Earth herself for all the pain we have cause as we have been in our trauma loops. This is part of the shadow work that we are being gifted during this particular cycle. A greater ability to travel into the depths of our being and find those places where we have hurt our-selves and others because we forgot that we are all actually one. I say gifted and this is also how it appears in our current cosmic blueprint; you see Pluto, now moving retrograde, is retracing its steps from the 0 degree of Aquarius to the 29th of Capricorn in a fairly tight Trine to the Taurus New Moon-Sedna-Pleiades conjunction. So we have an Underworld Queen and the Stellar Dimension of the Life-Death-Life Cycle being gifted by the Lord of the Underworld.. This Sedna-Pleiades-Pluto Trine has been quite active during the last couple years but the New Moon being a top is adding some fuel to the fire. As is a super powerful Fixed Grand Cross that involves Pluto, active through the next few weeks. Let’s start to bring this energy in now..
On the 16th of May, for the first time in 12 years, Jupiter entered the sign of Taurus; the planet of expansion will remain in the land of the material world for the next 12 months or so. On the 17th this brought Jupiter into an exact Square with Pluto, both at the powerful 0 degree of the sign in which they travel. Jupiter expanding the connection between our higher mind (Aquarius) and our Watery Depths (Pluto), helping us to more fully embody (Taurus) both our shadow and our light. This particular Square will be separating over the next couple weeks, but even as Jupiter continues its forward progression into Taurus; the North Node continues its Retrograde movement through the early degrees, making its way toward the new energy of Aries. This means the Square between the Nodes and Pluto is getting stronger. Jupiter is expanding this connection point and bringing the energy of wishing for the next truest state of being into our physicality. As I said this is a Fixed Grand Cross, we can see now that Pluto is being squared by Jupiter-North Node in Taurus and the South Node in Scorpio, this Nodal Axis Pluto Square will continue through most of the rest of this year, even as the nodes shift into Aries-Libra in July (you can dive deeper into this energy here: “Wobbling” Down your Destiny Line with PLuto Square the Nodes). Across the wheel from Pluto is the forward movement and driven energy of Mars, currently at the 29th degree of Cancer making its way over the next week towards the 0 degree of Leo. Mars in Cancer brings some fiery energy in our home life and sense of belonging. Collectively this feels like it's been asking us to stand up for our personal space and needs, sometimes this might have come through as an explosive NO MORE, others a drive to create something new for your-self and your family. As Pluto shifts retrograde from Aquarius to Capricorn, and Mars forward from Cancer to Leo; the two will come into direct opposition on the 22nd of May as Mars enters the 0 of Leo. Mars in Leo is driving us to be courageous and heart-centered in our push towards greater sovereignty. All the while our depths and our drive are being crossed by our destiny, Pluto seems to be saying here ‘look at where you’ve been’, now let your-self see, feel and re-lease all the old ideas of who you are.. While Mars says here is some fuel to help drive you further along your path of re-membering, of embodying even more of your divine light.
I keep hearing its ‘cycles within cycles within cycles’, which is being templated for us through a preponderance of cosmic energy in Taurus; how they are interacting with one another and the other cosmic energies that are flowing during this particular spin cycle.. Taurus is an energy that brings in cycles already; it is an Earth sign that is connected to growth, to manifestation, to the environment and the ways we resource ourselves. With Jupiters recent ingress into this sign we currently have an easy eight astrological “bodies” in this sign. We’ve spoke of Jupiter and the North Node (Square to Pluto and Mars, Trine to Isis and Persephone), also present is the now forward moving energy of Mercury (Sextile to Saturn-Magdalena, Square to Pallas), then we have Vesta moving ever closer to a powerful conjunction with Uranus (Sextile Venus-Hekate-Sirius, Square Hygeia and Black Moon Lilith), a little further inland we find the New Moon itself with Sedna and some of the seven sisters, The Great Central Sun of the Pleiades (Alcyone) is actually at 0 of Gemini (Trine Pluto, Sextile Mars, Square Isis & Persephone). There are so many more possible alignments than we could ever bring into a single CLD, these are the ones I was asked to hiLight for us today.. Through the preceding we can begin to feel the cycles within cycles present though.. As Pluto and Mars Square the opening members (Jupiter, North Node) of the Taurus conclave and Trine the closers (Sun, Moon, Sedna), we find that Isis and Persephone are Squaring the closers and Trine to the Openers. Offering us a beautiful glimpse at the power of re-leasing the old and the gifts available to us through this. I have a vision of a beautiful spiral dance, one of those “optical” illusions where you can literally see, as the light flickers on the spiral, that the energy is moving both up and down, clockwise and counterclockwise. This is where we are right now. A point of infinite potential, I spoke in the most recent Energy Update (Expanding Access to Your Destiny) of the massive “Timeline” Shift that I felt as we emerged from the Eclipse Wormhole in the hours after the Scorpio Full Moon. This sense of collecting all the old data, letting what is no longer true fall away, to bring in the new information that is now available, that is so much bigger, so much more expansive than we ever thought possible. Part of what we are re-leasing is self limiting ideas of where we could get during a single incarnation, how much new we can birth, and how much light we can access and “hold” within our physical beings. I also shared that many of us might feel like we have received new “job descriptions” that we are being asked to hold the flame, our light more visibly, to be seen in our truth to a greater degree, to hold a higher frequency band than before. For some this will be very visceral a complete change in the way that you interact with the world around you, even quite literally a new job or relationship, for most of us it will be a new relationship with our-selves. How this will actually look is of course as unique as each of us. I can feel that this CLD is coming into its closing energy, before it does however I am called to bring in the middle of our Taurus field, Mercury, Vesta and Uranus. Mercury’s exact Sextile to an exact conjunction between Saturn and Mary Magdalene in Pisces and the tight Sextile between Vesta and Uranus with an exactly conjunct Hekate and Venus very near the stellar dimension of Sirius in Cancer. Let’s begin with this Hekate-Venus-Sirius energy, the stellar dimension of Sirius represents our the higher self of our own Star (Sol); Venus is our relationship to beauty, luxury, to our desires (she rules both Taurus and Libra); Hekate is a triple goddess representing all the cycles of life, she also holds her torch aloft for us as we transition between these realms; Cancer is the sign of family and belonging it represents those places we return to, that we seek when we feel lost, frightened, tired, cold, hungry and alone. Sirius lives here, a reminder that Home truly is where the Heart is; Hekate passing through, holds her torch aloft and asks us to witness our preconceived notions of family, of hearth and with Venus by her side they say is this true? Can you find a more hospitable home, a more heart-centered home? As I write this I have a vision, the hearth a brilliant Blue Flame at the center of your heart, and a question arises “can you make a home here?” This feels perfectly aligned also with the Sextile between this group and the eternal flame energy of Vesta, igniting our passion for embodiment and Uranus wakes us up to our true nature as both cosmic and earthly beings. That the Blue Flame of Stellar Light we see in Sirius is not separate from the Blue Flame within our hearts and within the core of Gaia herself, it is the lovelight that fuels our journey.
Speaking of Lovelights, it's been a Long and Winding Road we’ve been Going Down, exploring the “good” and the “bad” and re-membering that our ideas of what makes something good or bad is all human construct, sometimes the thing that feels like the absolute worst possible turn of events (like a near fatal car crash) can actually be one of the best things that ever happened to you.. This is also what the energy of Saturn conjunct Magdalena in Pisces feels like, a symbol of the Divine Feminine Mysteries and of the Patriarchy communing, breaking bread together as Mercury in Sextile translates; through this communion they are able to witness the divinity within each other, Mary to forgive and also to be forgiven, helping purify the air as Saturn re-leases old stories and frees us all from the previous eras limited ideas of masculinity, of time, and of the heights our foundations can reach.
Well now that feels like a perfect way to close this edition of Cosmic Light, if you feel called to continue our dance together I would love to commune with you. Come on over and request a Soul Path Journey Consult. We can explore your Long and Winding Road and possible ways in which our journeys intersect. These journey’s offer deep dive into your Natal Map (Birth Chart), and/or the Akashic Records to discover more about your Soul Group and the ancient Lineages, Lightworker Templates you carry. Maybe we’ll even get to explore the ways your Job Description may have changed. You can request a consult here: https://www.blueflameapothecary.com/request-consult
If it calls, come check out the Blue Flame Apothecary Members Portal, a beautiful community space where we journey together as we re-member our unique medicine; where I will be facilitating our Live New Moon Transmission and Light Activation tomorrow (19 May at 2:30pm Pacific), this event will be held Live over Zoom.
Within the Blue Flame Members Portal I facilitate a Live Transmission-Activation-Share circle every New Moon, a Violet Flame Release every Full Moon, and share yummy content and treats throughout each month. You can learn more and become a member here: https://www.patreon.com/blueflameapothecary
As we all journey to those places where the climate suits our clothes and the water tastes like wine, as we re-member the deeper truth within the saying that home is where the heart is and as we cycle through the never ending array of lives and deaths we get to experience on our unique soul path journeys. I share with you as always and in all ways so much and many loves from and through all the dimensions!
Hils
San Francisco CA
18 May 2023
